SalesHQ

BANNED FROM WAL-MART...

> 

> This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

> 

> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

> Wal-Mart . Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and

> preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like

> most women - she loved to browse.

> 

> Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local

> Wal-Mart:

> 

> Dear Mrs. Samsel,

> 

> Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a

> commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been

> forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.

> Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance

> cameras.

> 

> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

> carts when they weren't looking.

> 

> 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at

> 5-minute intervals.

> 

> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

> women's restroom.

> 

> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

> 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

> 

> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's

> on layaway.

> 

> 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

> 

> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other

> shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets

> from the bedding department.

> 

> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying

> and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

> 

> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

> mirror while he picked his nose.

> 

> 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he

> asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

> 

> 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly

> humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

> 

> 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look'

> by using different sizes of funnels.

> 

> 13. October 18 : Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed

> through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

> 

> 14. October 21 : When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

> assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

> And last, but not least ..

> 

> 15. October 23 : Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

> awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in

> here!'

> 

this is great - where do you find this stuff ---- goes great with the kitty - ambulance story you posted a few months agooo.

 I'll tell you what is tough, finding funny clean jokes.

BEING BANNED FROM WALMART WOULDN'T BE ALL THAT BAD!!!! I HATE WALMART - REFUSE TO GO - MY WIFE LIKES IT - SHE SAYS WE SAVE MONEY - NOT A BAD THING IN TODAYS ECONOMY - I WOULD RATHER SELL ONE OF MY PRIZED COLLECTIONS (CARS(THAN( HAVE TO SHOP AT THIS PLACE........I THINK I WILL..IT COULD BE THE VODKA TALKING BUT I WANT TO SELL MY BENZ

2008 MB 560 AMG.. 19,000 MILES - EVERY POSSIBLE OPTION CONCEIVABLE..... PEARL WHITE - BLACK TINTED WINDOWS - ALL THE WAY AROUND - PRISTINE - 22"S -  TOTALLY PIMP....SERIOUS INQUIREIS ONLY.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED -  WILL DELIVER PERSONALLY IN CONTINENTAL US.   MAYBE I SHOULD PUT ON EBAY...I REALLY WANT THE NEW AUDI R8

Oh my goodness!  Thats great!  Thanks Rich!!!!  I love it when our humor section gets some action!